catharsis

January

MXII - All hell broke loose. Needless to say, I wasn’t as broken as I’d thought I’d be. In fact, I was particularly surprised to find how little I could actually feel. The numbness. It’s slow creeping, gentle, and safe. In the end I’m left in my room, glossy eyed as a stared out my window. I didn’t like the program I was in at my university. So I left. I woke up one morning and wanted to bungie jump. So I did. I wanted to travel before I even begin to go back to school in the fall. So I booked a ticket. I leave in May, to BE somewhere else. I don’t know what I’m hoping to find there. But for once in a really really long time, I’m starting to FEEL something. And for now, that’s saying a lot.

I wanted to challenge myself this year to experience something new. Learn something new. Every month of this year. If I die tomorrow, I want to make sure that I feel that too. Because the numbness feels a lot less human than the pain.